Trepidations

Even before the taste of victory can properly settle in, there is already rising from within my gut that sense of trepidation of what lies ahead.

Anxious, yet bracing myself for the challenges of the unknown journey that I have to forge ahead. It is after all uncharted waters for me.

(Perhaps James Marape is feeling somewhat like this).

First there were the sleepless nights of preparation. Strategising and re-strategising upon the thousands of miles covered pacing around the room. Countless speeches in front of the mirror. Affirmations on notepads, ceilings and glass windows.

Softly to myself, below even a ghost’s whisper, I let these words run on repeat to embolden my courage:

“He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world.”

If my mind was CNN, this passage from 1 John 4:4 was the newsfeed that scrolls across the screen night and day.

Now that hurdle has been overcome. The road from this point on looms even larger in the obstacles and challenges it holds in store.

What seemed like a finishing line yesterday has turned into a launch pad. A starting line all over again. But this time with even bigger mountains ahead. To conquer against the odds that are stacked against me. Against the sneers from the dirty corner. It’s going to be all upstream from here on.

There is no going back now. This dark void of the unknown is an inevitability for me. Inevitable like the path through the murky depths was for Moses and the chosen.

I could put on a brave face and say “bring it on”. But deep inside I know it is but a facade. I’m shaking beneath my shoddily crafted armour of know-it-all and do-goodery.

So I have to state the Truth. He brought me thus far. I know He won’t leave me hanging. He will walk with me through it all. Be it the murky depths, the raging storm or the fiery furnace, He will see me through it all.

Gentle Shepherd that He is, knows even the depth of my thoughts. Even to the innermost sanctum of my heart. So this morning, upon seeing a quite sense of anxiety brewing, He gently leads me and allows my eyes to rest on these words:

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

I Peter 5:6-7 NKJV

I am at peace now, knowing that Jesus – yes He’s got this.